Your Identity is created by You and only you – do you sometimes let External Events create your Identity for you? Do you relate everything on the outside about yourself?
There is a time when we all have something that happens externally that effects us on the inside, in this instance we may be a little insecure of what others think of us, we may question ourselves on the inside and things may crop up such as “do people like me?” OR “what does this person think of me?”.
A bigger issue here is that most of us base our identity off the outside rather than the inside, this is not to say identity is confined to internal thoughts just that identity is and should be an internal. We as people make identity out of what others think of us or rather if someone says something about what we wear or say we question it then start over analyzing it and make it about us. This is a classic case of making an identity meaning from outside sources.
There are things on the outside that can be true, like a warning sign. Someone may say “you have a bit of chocolate on your face” and you may find it and rub it off, for the moment it may make you feel a little self conscious. In this scenario the person has looked out for you and done it for your own good, you simply have to be aware of little things like this and make sure that next time you don’t eat that chocolate bar of yours too messily, I myself would laugh this off and probably find it funny.
When it comes to not taking meaning from external events this simply means that if someone says something about what you say or something about what you wear and the comment is negative, in other words something you consider hurtful or strange – this means you should really just ignore it and let the person know that this is you as a person. We as people tend to make things about us, if someone says “you are weird”, yes it hurts but instead of making this comment about yourself and internalizing it as a property of yourself you simply tell yourself the other person’s intention was to hurt you and not actually tell you the truth. Do not make your identity part of what someone else thinks of you. What you think of yourself is all that matters. True identity is inside, it is what goes on in the inner that defines the outer, it is internal.
Did you know that when people say something insulting, hurtful or rude to you most of the time the words mean zilch, really it is just the intention or action that accompanies the words that was important. The words meant nothing, the person tried to hurt you but the person didn’t use the words as truth but simply used them to hurt you. Do not make what someone else thinks of you about you because that is not you. The identity of you is what you think of yourself on the inside, not the outside. Someone can not make you into a person your not, only you can change the person you are and the person who said something to you or did something to you should not make you feel any different toward your self identity.
On a realistic note you will get comments that are true sometimes and you just have to be more aware of those specific comments, ones where someone is just looking out for you and being honest are ones that could hurt but are still true. However the point is never to make those outside events become part of you, just because someone disagrees with you or dislikes you does not mean you should view yourself as unworthy and base your value on what others think or say. Keep the identity you always have, create your own identity inside, do not let some measly external event change that :)