Today i am going to post on a issue most of us have especially while growing up, i had this quite often through my ages of 11-21, it was quite difficult to be so calm and easy going when every minute i thought or felt someone could be talking about me behind my back. The truth is some of us actually go to places or out with friends and look around at all the surroundings including people, this is not so much the problem but how you feel about your surroundings and people and i will tell you why in this post. I had a bad social anxiety growing up when i was younger and would usually make everything around me part of who i am or simply become paranoid that someone out there could be talking about or saying this or that about me, the big problem here is that i was my own enemy, i had simply made my life more difficult by thinking and feeling this way.
The biggest problem is that i would always look for something to self identify myself with and i could never quite understand why i did this, at this point i was quite shy and with a lack of confidence so i would always think that if someone over there was looking at me it would probably be because of something bad i did or said or worse.
Typically this type of thing is down to insecurity, i had the idea back then that i was never good enough for anyone when i was younger or simply that i never fit in anywhere, this added to the problems i faced daily. Eventually however i realized i was worthy of anything, my self-worth was high again and i started to both believe and know that i was both a great person and someone who had value. I had to simply not care what others thought about me and for that matter stop looking for things that i could address to myself and then think “well those people don’t like me”. It was all part of growing.
The idea that i could address someone doing something because of me was weird, how could i be so vain or so self-addressing that everything i thought or felt was due to making everything on the outside about myself. When i got past this period of life I realized that whatever anyone else thinks of me does not matter because its their opinion and their opinion is not always true or final nor is it my business.
On another note if someone was to speak behind someones back and the listening person found their comments to be damaging the listener would and should realistically have their own opinion of the gossipers wrong doing (especially if the gossiper is talking bad about someone unnecessarily). In my situation whenever i felt someone was talking behind my back i just kept my head straight and remembered that what they think of me is none of my business because really it isn’t. If i cannot accept what another thinks of me then i would almost become part of this controlling person who wants everything in life to be perfect when life isn’t always perfect, a big lesson to learn here for all. What someone else thinks of you is not an ‘error’ nor is it something that can be changed, always accept another’s comment just don’t make it about yourself or make out its true.
In fact people who gossip and talk behind your back in a negative attention seeking way are usually insecure or simply immature, if you had never done anything wrong or bad and they spoke badly of you how would you deal with it? The simple way to deal with it is to let them have their talk and ignore it, if they come up to you and then do it continue to ignore it.
In fact its good to know that if someone does gossip about you behind your back but does not say it to your face its probably because the person is too scared to say it to you and if there is no reason for their bad mouthing just remember they are jealous of something you are or have. Sometimes we are convinced people talk behind our backs when they don’t, in that instance do not become paranoid or start thinking everyone is against you because if you do you will end up choosing to believe everyone hates you and it will lead to you being resentful for no reason even when nothing was said.
For every person who makes an exaggerated comment behind your back that is not nice there is one person making a terrible mistake (that is the gossiper), its simply up to us as people to ignore stupidity and not feed it with attention or make a big thing of it. A big important thing to remember too is that how you feel about your surrounding and being around others is the most important thing, if you feel negative today you may draw in negatives and if you feel like everyone is against you people will pick up on your anger or dislike. If however you don’t care what others think and know that gossiping bad of someone is a waste of time then your more likely to see the bigger picture and that is that you do not want to be someone who has to attack or hurt others in order to feel better.
Those people who are spoken to behind our back should and could stand up and say “well this isn’t very nice to say about Alex“. The thing is we all have our choices and chances to believe what we believe ourselves. There are what i call people who follow the crowd and people who don’t, those who follow the crowd are not secure enough to leave the crowd. Then again sometimes gossip is based on truth and with this you must still ignore but instead you must encourage yourself to change if you need to. If you have been gossiped about at work for your attitude and behavior towards others its time to change that before it gets worse.
Whenever you believe a group does not accept you as you are or they gossip about you its more likely their problem, they cannot accept you as a person. If however you are a bad influence or have done something wrong its likely people will gossip about you but in that area its your chance to change. Whenever someone enjoys gossiping to the point where its all they do its because they are insecure, gossip is to attract people and entertain people but when they use gossip as a way to repeatedly put others down because they can’t make a new story up its time you got the hell away from these people who do this.
Remember that being insecure isn’t a felony or evil, it just means a person is not able to be their real self or needs guidance to choose or make choices, insecure people are also easily affected by what happens on the outer. To be secure you must simply care less, this does not mean do not care about another opinion or words, it simply means care ‘less’.
“What another thinks is not your job, it is theirs. You cannot do the thinking for others but what you can do is choose to believe that their thinking is based on something good, its that important to them that it got them thinking of you.” ~ Jay Rando
Insecurity can be seen to be a demonized word but people can be insecure and good people, breaking away from insecurities in life does help us to become more real and that of a person who is strong enough to deal with others and situations on our terms. So finally if you think someone is gossiping behind your back or don’t like you don’t allow it to bother you, ignore it, treating your enemies with kindness may annoy your enemies more but it shows them that what they do does affect you. If however it gets worse ignore their stupidity and let them make their own mistakes.
But most of all care less of what others think of you, only listen and consider advice or words spoken but do not make your identity about what others think of you, people sometimes want you to lose your control over their insecurities as a way to climb above you. Keep cool and calm about it, ignore it and stand above silliness. Thank you for reading.
~ Jay Rando